Hello. Welcome.

I'm a very determined kind of individual. Sometimes my determination is misplaced and things get very ugly. But, sometimes my determination leads to laughter, deep thoughts, and words on paper.

I write everything. I'm not very good at filtering ... so you will see it all. Maybe there will be a little inspiration for someone else along the way. I hope so. My sister also likes to guest blog and I'm sure you will appreciate her wit and wisdom.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

made up words

Tonight I learned a new word. I'm not sure quite how to spell it because it was a made-up word. It means that your ear is "wobbly and has lots of parts." Well, that's what Jack told me anyway when he described his ears as faubnoddle. I'm still not exactly sure if that's what it was, but he was entirely convinced. He said that you can't give a zerbert on someone's ear because they are faubnoddle. And that was that.

Wow. I have to say Paul had some kind of foresight to write "forgetting what is behind and strain toward what lies ahead." Cap and gown lies just ahead. And, yes, it's all those things - you know - all those things that are written neatly and cleverly on greeting cards. It's a 'new beginning' and a 'great achievement' and the first steps in the 'real world.' Really, anything can be made fuzzy and sentimental, but what is the point of this whole charade?

What a question to ask, right? I mean, you'd think I have enough theses, models, and paradigms mixed up in my brain! As I'm looking around, we're just trying to get past this week. We're just trying to finish, get to the other side, take pictures next to tulips and on the beach, and smile with that accomplished grin.

I better just lay it out right now. I am no more accomplished than I was as a feisty, blue eye-shadowed middle-schooler (I was actually probably more confident then). If there's anything in me working towards something I can attain, my sorrow will always shadow my joy. Woe is me! For I am a woman of unclean lips and I live with a people of unclean lips. I can't wait to one day see what Isaiah saw when he came before the Lord. The whole of his being knew conviction and became aware of God's righteousness.
Praise God! For we are redeemed and called His children by name. I still can't fathom it.

My wish to write more will soon give way to worry over stresses, so I'll have to leave off. There's a whole lot stirring in the Spirit. I want to leave the lyrics of a beautiful song we sang in community last week:
There is a sweet,
anointing in the sanctuary
There is a stillness
in the atmosphere
So come lay down
the burdens you have carried
for in this sanctuary
God is here

He is here
God is here
To take the yoke
and lift the heavy burden
He is here
God is here
To restore the wounded heart
and bless the broken

So, come lay down
the burdens you have carried
for in this sanctuary
God is here

Amen and amen.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Headed for a Breakdown

I'm more than headed there - I think I've parked and lost the keys (which would NOT be surprising, because lately I have darn near watched things disappear right before my eyes).

My mind feels like a webpage - so many stimulating, flashy buttons and colors. I don't know where to go next or what to push. I am scrolling up and down for the information I need, but I realize I'm not on the right site at all and when I try to backtrack I come to deadends. Stress? Sure, probably. Anxiety about graduation? Not completely sure. Just plain old misdirected energy? For certain.

The more crowded the pages of my mind become, the less I turn to the only Source for peace. We all know where that leads you: to the breakdown dead-end with no keys, no excuses, and no good reason to be asking for or accepting pity.

Let's be straight about this, folks. At this point, all I need is a good talking to - the old fashioned kind that grandmother's would lovingly give when they found out you'd been taking "breaks" from helping in the garden to sneak cookies in the kitchen. But don't worry - I'm managing a pretty good war of words in my own mind, admonishing, advising, and alerting when I stray.

Oh, how I wish I could actually sit and think... and then type. I know it would be more productive and useful - and FUN - I so enjoy a good romp on the open-air, word terrain (see, it's times like these that even you wish I had more time!). But, I have officially self-diagnosed (something you're never supposed to do) myself with ADD and I must return to a psychology lab report.

I did have a wonderful chat with my sister today - it's amazing that even states away God can give us experiences and lessons that encourage and build up one another. She seems to be thriving as only a well-dressed, office cubicle up-and-comer ought to be. The joy and pride she finds in her work speaks so much of her character... but I also have to smile to myself because I've seen glimpses of big and bold dreams coming from that girl that I can't wait to see unfold!

My mom had contest today for her students and my thoughts drift back to when I would tag along, her cloth music bag on my left shoulder, heavy with contest pieces. I always tried to be thumbing through important papers or adding a clever remark about judges, contests, or sound-proof rooms. I absolutely loved those times - so special! We would drive the school bus home and we would go through each student's performance, naysaying judges and praising the hard work of her tight-knit group. A teacher could not be more fond or attached! Go Cougar Vocal!
See - I AM distracted!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

winter furballs

Okay - so last night was a first. I was standing there, in my print media professor's kitchen, looking up at Copper, who had perched on top of the stove and had obviously been in the cupboards. I felt like I was negotiating with a jumper in one of those movies - pleading that he would just jump down gently and peacefully. I know, I know - I grew up on a farm, right? I shouldn't be scared of animals, least of all cats! Well, how many cats do you know that take prozac? This one does! AND I couldn't get it to take its pills Friday night or Saturday morning! I'm not even sure what all the reasons are, but it's also GIANT! I think it weighs about 35 pounds. I reached up to help it down and before I got too far I realized it wasn't declawed! So, let me lay it all out again: I had a disobedient, possibly crazed, prozac-needing, still clawed cat that could very well plummet to its demise on my watch! Suffice it to say, I was a little stressed out.

I brought my friend over later and it took both of us coax that little pill down -- and I'm convinced the twitching isn't normal, but Cara didn't seem to think it was a big deal. She assured me that the cats were fine... I guess I'm just used the cats on the farm who just run free. I should also note that I am taking care of FIVE cats this weekend!! That's right - quite a collection, eh?

Can I also just add that Mr. Winter is not through with Michigan - after a couple days of 70 DEGREE weather, we're back to being snowed in and scraping windshields!
SOOOO much to write on, with a more serious tone, but that will have to wait til later. I am feeling love in Michigan and praising the Lord for His Son, sacrifice, and eternal victory!!