"Tengo miedo." Those are the only words I could speak through the tears after the Spanish service on Sunday. Pastor Omar and a small group formed a circle and prayed over me. My friend Rosario, who has the sweetest of smiles, reassured me that they would be praying and God would watch over me. I don't think I have fear (tengo miedo) because I doubt the Lord's provision, I am quite planning on Him actually. I think my fear and confusion comes out of a kind of duality I feel leaving this place.
I tried to explain it last night when I had dinner with some students (and now friends:)... I am definitely looking forward to this next phase in my life - looking forward to the work God will do in and through me - looking forward to the lessons I will stumble through - looking forward to adventure and a bit of the unknown. But at the almost exact same moment, I am definitely attached to the kindred spirits I have found in Austin - the community of believers - the mission field at this University - the co-workers - the landscape - the friendships.
I know that probably makes no sense. My friend reminded me that when I delight in God, He gives the desires of my heart (Ps. 37:4), and then I had to say I guess I'm confused why my desires are so exclusive - to stay and to go.
Tonight's a great argument for "stay." Instead of a sappy going away party, we had a talent competition just my style!! I waged performance war at the first ever Southside's Got Talent talent show. I performed in a gymnastics trio routine set to the music "I want you back," by Jackson 5. And I also sang a duet, "Changed for Good" from WICKED with my friend Katelin. The song, if you haven't heard it, comes as the two express their close friendship, but decide to go separate ways. I'll played Glenda and Katelin sang for Elphaba. I'm so glad it was an upbeat night - I don't think I could have taken any more emotion. There were tears, but I tried to keep them to a minimum.
I thought I would want to post pictures, but this little video beats everything else out. Watch and see how Katelin and Jimmy own this routine. They didn't have the lifts of Team Reed, but they were tearing up that grass patch!
Pretty sweet, right?
In the meantime, I'm only half-sane as I scurry, pack, forget things, misplace things, make lists, inventory, weigh boxes, plan training, schedule meetings, transfer information, and oh yes - say goobyes... it is going to be very, very crazy the next three days.