Without going into too much detail (and making this cleansing process about me instead of the Lord)... I finally dealt with a very heavy guilt from a past sin. I knew the Lord was asking me to confess to the offended party and now I know Satan has nothing to hold over my head. Though I had asked the Lord for forgiveness long ago, I knew in my heart I needed to confess to the person as well. I ignored this conviction for years, but in the past week I finally relented and OH the sweet release!
Now, when Satan tries to deceive me with his lies of guilt and inadequacy, I just point straight to the cross and Truth. This week has been about God's healing, redemption, and the work He can do through our brokenness in the lives of others. I just praise God for His victory over what is so filthy in our lives. I am honestly humbled everyday with the foolish, stupid things I do. I am more and more in awe of the Lord's patience with such a wayward soul.
Sometimes I wonder if He rolls His eyes. I mean, I sure would if I had to watch me make so many mistakes. But, you know, I don't think He does. I'm convinced that therein lies the beauty in His character - He never, ever changes. He is ALWAYS good and ALWAYS faithful, ALWAYS patient, and ALWAYS True. always.
I heard this song for the first time this week and it just seems to fit with this beautiful, redemptive lesson. This is almost exactly how I felt whenever I thought about this specific sin: dirty, ashamed, nothing to offer or bring. All of this I bring, all the rags, to the feet of my Prince and believe that His beauty will cover me.
wait for Your rain by Todd Agnew
I cannot believe I'm this dirty
I'm ashamed to even ask to be clean
'Cause I can't think of anyone less worthy
I have nothing to offer or to bring
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of
One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
I'm not even sure how I got here
Wondered to this darkness from Your light
I still remember walking in the garden with You
Now I'm just stumbling through this night
I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of
One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
And I wait
I wait for Your rain to fall
The waves of Your grace wash over me
I wait for Your rain to fall
Strange how forgiveness comes so easily
When I call Your name
And wait for Your rain
Lord, this desert is killing me
My throat's dry from screaming Your name
I want to come home but the sands of time surround me
The dirt's finally covered my shame
So I throw myself on Your mercy
I throw myself at Your feet
I throw my filth on the grace of
One who's beauty is beyond me
And I wait
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