a paradox

So...interesting is an odd way to explain the past couple days, but I'll do my best.
Last Saturday, I had a bad day. It wasn't your run-of-the-mill my hair looks bad and I can't find my homework kind of day. No, sadly I couldn't pin it on something quite so simple.
I was not in a good mood and for the most part didn't know why. There were some things that happened that frustrated me, but nothing big enough to warrant a whole day of bad moodiness. I was emotional, sad, and had more than one cry-session during the day. I didn't want to be at my house, but didn't really have a place to go, so I drove. Forgot to mention that I also don't have any money...so I realized really fast that you basically can do nothing for free. Seriously! I was driving - money. Coffeeshop - money. I'm not the kind of person who can go into a business and just chill out without being a customer. So... I went to visit my friend who works at Gap. She had been having a rough day with our washing machine.
I called my sister around 5/6 and she did her best to scrounge up a solution. After a few failed attempts, she suggested I go to Barnes and Noble and just read for a while...in fact, she said buy yourself something and I'm going to send you $10 in the mail. .."We don't need circumstances to be happy, but sometimes God works through them." GOD BLESS YOU SISTER!
So, I luckily brought along a book I'd been meaning to start for awhile, the first of the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers. From that point, I was hooked! I finished it early afternoon yesterday, after staying up until 6:30 am to read it! (That's even late for the college clock!)

After I finished yesterday, everything else seemed so boring! I jumped right into the book and all the emotions I was feeling seem to come out in one way or another in the characters. It made me remember the times I would sit and read with my grandparents last summer. Oh what glorious times we had. I can't wait for some more spare time for reading!

But, it must wait as I have looming projects, papers, and presentations that come with the end of the year. I have been (as always) doing a lot of thinking. Sometimes my thinking is related to subjects and sometimes it's hard to find where it originated. But, anyway, lately my thoughts are towards the paradoxes we see in society, culture, and religion. It came from my realization of constantly being told/taught one thing, expected another, and encouraged to do yet another, and they all seem to be in conflict. What would we do, then? If we choose one do we fail another? Let me try to give an example...I actually have a running list, but I don't want to be too overwhelming:
Okay, let's take the ever-controversial topic of feminism. The ideas of feminism, as they developed over three waves, are generally good. They encourage women to be free-thinkers and not dependent on a system. Instead of being held captive in titles of 'homemaker' or 'wife,' feminism allows women to choose their career or life path freely. However, in the same name of feminism, women are voluntarily subjecting themselves to objectification. They fight against the box, but then put themselves in it - how does that make sense?

There are other examples, and I actually even found some in the lives of the characters of Voice in the Wind.

I know this can also be a picture of our spiritual life. We can fight against sin as Christians (through God's grace), yet with our freedom we choose to trap ourselves in the box from which we were trying to be free. Why is this? I don't know.

I think the questions, wonderings, and confusion I have is all balled up in my brain like the yarn at the end of my grandmother's crochet. It's full of color and tightly bound together. Every time I try to take a piece out I get more confused.

sidenote: I went to an art show the other day and it was so peaceful. I really enjoyed the serenity and pieces using all types of media. It made me want to be an artist. I do pretend, but sometimes I think I really want to be an artist.

i send my love to my grandparents, who I didn't even know read this! and my mom - she spurs great thought without even knowing it!
Oh, and I am going to post my pictures soon from DC/NY - I promise!

Grace and peace.