All this and I still don't know.

Well, one might assume after 17 years in formal education that some things start making sense. I guess I've found this to be true, but more often than not I'm surprised.

Looking back a couple months, there is absolutely no way I could have predicted that I would be right here at this point. Even a couple weeks ago, I was involved in my little world with my little plans, unaware that my plans and dreams could take such exciting dips and turns. Last year, I went through a Beth Moore study called Believing God, and one of the things I'll always remember is the discussion on faith... it is a present-active-participle, ongoing action. So often I am unaware and unbelieving that the Lord could do great things in my life. What does this mean?

For starters, Scripture demands my audience - no, my participation in what the Lord has promised and started as a good work in me. I want nothing other than to come into beautiful, divine agreement with His plan. The dreams He has for me ... I can't be excited enough about them. This past semester, I discovered that dreaming and vision casting bring life and energy to my life. But, there's nothing I could think up or dream up that would compare to the adventures that await me in God's glorious, ordained work! I'm still working my way through Kings (after various sidetracks and pit stops) and the grace God granted time and time and time again... it' s astounding.

Regardless of the actions of His chosen, He did not forsake His covenant. Praise the Lord for his faithfulness. Oh, that I would never take lightly his perfect faithfulness!

Tonight I heard a speaker on the subject of prayer and fasting. There is a small, fiery community here at Hope that is so hungry for the Lord and His purposes fulfilled. And, as the disciples did after the bridegroom left, the group has decided to spend a focused time of praying and fasting to seek the Lord and come into agreement with his plans, both corporately and for individuals. As I listened, I was moved. Not in the emotion sense, but in more of a return to solid foundation sense. Hearing God's word spoken always always brings truth to light. A lot of times, at least for me, that means exposing things of darkness (Ephesians 5). So, I sat listening, praying, and asking God to examine my life for things that aren't His and things that distract from giving all my worship.

Nothing, absolutely nothing good comes without the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is sought through prayer. Time and time again in the Old and New Testament God's children sought Him in earnest, whether to grieve, repent, or in search of wisdom. Oh, how I see this lacking in my life!

Sigh. And the Lord is lifted up, midst shouts of joy and also as we weep and mourn. His glory is revealed as His children obey, but also when we fail - for then we see His righteousness! I pray that my own knowledge of His righteousness would come through obedience...

The man speaking tonight had a weathered, raspy voice and thin, white hair. His face creased in concern and curved in compassion for the hungry hearts gathered. He spoke with gentleness, but pleaded with urgency that we be a people like the first church in Acts who earnestly sought God and the Holy Spirit and brought about history-altering change.

Sometimes I wonder if I could ever be such a person. Only by God's grace, that is for certain.

grace and peace to you all on this Friday night!