Monday, May 04, 2009
In my journaling the other day, I wrote, "... a very persistent Wormwood character has done a great job of distracting me from the purposeful prayer I desperately need." Maybe I dive too deeply into the spiritual warfare Frank Peretti so delicately describes in his novels... but I have definitely been feeling the familiar distractions that tear me away from what is most important.
I like to be busy... a stream of appointments, sleepovers, and coffee dates where I can listen and advise and laugh and grieve with people I care about. I also like solitude... long, unbroken and unscheduled hours where the only thing able to find me is a good book.
Both these things sound very good. Yet, little weaselly Wormwood gets into even the good things and takes away from the motive and heart behind them. I can shut myself up in my room and read all day, but feel horribly unproductive and selfish at the end. I can also run a mile/minute meeting with students and friends, doing crazy outreach and feel absolutely depleted.
Sometimes I feel stranded out in the middle of no-man's-land while the 'real' saints go off to battle in prayer... those are the people who aren't distracted by Wormwoods.
I guess I'm just reminded of my human-ness ... and I end up in the same place, needing to rely completely and totally on the Lord. I'm trusting His hand will guide, whether I am feeling distant or attacked or close or encouraged.